If she had lived, on June 24th my mother would have been 90 years old. She did not make it physically to 90 but she continues to live in my heart and thoughts.
When I was growing up, I thought there were days when Mama was the meanest woman God had ever created. She spanked me when I did something wrong, she made me do my homework until it was correct, she grounded me when my grades were below HER expectations (even though I always had a GOOD explanation for the ones I received), she had in imposed curfew that NEVER bent, she saw to it that I had what I needed but not always what I wanted, she told me I was not going to waste food she worked so hard to get (even though I felt my daddy had contributed to the food budget so that didn't count). Those days were the ones in which I had the "silent scream" going on inside me and I just wanted to change parents (at least moms) for that short while. Like most children, I saw absolutely no good reason for her to do or say what she was doing or saying. Afterall, I was just trying to be a child, not an adult!!
Well, she, like most moms, was correct. All those lectures, instructions on living a correct life, growing up good, etc., paid off. Now, I actually miss hearing her say any of them to me. I MISS MY MOM! Sometimes, I will look up in church or at the store and see a woman going by me who looks very similar to my mom or could almost be a "dead ringer" (pardon the pun) for her. I will watch these ladies walk or smile or their hand gestures and see some of Mama's in them. Even their hair will be salt and pepper like Mama's and worn exactly the way she wore hers. I used to wonder if this was God's way of sending her back down here and letting me see her but I know now that's not true. But, I do see "her" in others.
I also see some of her traits in me. I laugh like I remember hearing her laugh. I sit on my cough the way I used to see her sit on her. I have hand gestures like hers. Sometimes, I even cough like her. I guess she's just in me and I thank God for that.
I was not the greatest mom (just ask my children). There are many things I am sorry for that they did not get from me but I'm grateful for all that the Lord blessed me to give them. I learned through raising my own children that a child really does NOT know the heartache of a mother. The child really does not know the number of days or times a mother cries for her children. A child really does not know the sacrifices of a mother - UNTIL THEY BECOME A PARENT!! Reality has set in for me. Fortunately, it set in before my mother died and my heart was overwhelmed when that reality hit. I got to see all the blood, sweat and tears she had over me. I was soooooooooooooooo grateful and overwhelmed when that reality set in. My one regret is that I never told her, "Thank You" and now it is too late.
Lord, this day I'm so grateful for the mother YOU gave me. I'm grateful for all the life lessons she taught me and walked me through. I'm grateful for all the things she did for me, whether I know about them or not. I'm grateful for the sacrifices she made just for me. I'm grateful for the times she called me and needed me to do something for her. I'm grateful for her wanting to cook me my favorite Thanksgiving meal (the last one she would have) when I visited her in Indiana. She was ill but did not say a thing to me about it. Her desire was to cook all that food for me. She wanted me to take some of it home with me but there was no way I was going to be able to take it on the plane. I pray she really did understand and have hurt feelings behind that. Sometimes I want to just kick myself for not taking some of it but it's now too late.
Don't let this Mother's Day go by without saying, "Thank You" to your mother. If you are a parent, you KNOW she deserves it!! Don't let it be too late for you. Celebrate you mom this Mother's Day!! Happy Mother's Day to all you fabulous moms!
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