Well, you know I've told you that I'm reading this book titled, "The Shack". I find it extremely interesting and thought-provoking. The other day, I was reading a passage and it struck me. It had to do with expectancy and expectations. In a dialogue between two of the MAIN characters, it was stated, "Responsibilities and expectations are the basis of guilt and shame and judgment, and they provide the essential framework that promotes performance as the basis for identity and value."
The author went on to write, "The idea behind expectations requires that someone does not know the future or outcome and is trying to control behavior to get the desired result. Humans try to control behavior largely through expectations."
This particular chapter went on to deal with the difference between expectancy and expectations. With expectancy it's different. For instance, in a friendship there would be an expectancy that exists. When two people see each other or are apart, there is an expectancy of being together, laughing, talking, etc. That expectancy, the author says, has no concrete definition. Issues arise when we have expectations we put on others. Suddenly the dynamics of the relationship change. People are now expected to perform in a way that meets the expectations of others.
I have been thinking about this a lot. It has caused me to re-examine my thinking on my interactions with others. I am now leaning heavily towards the expectancy way, rather than expectations because I see what it has done to relationships I might have or had. I see how I allowed, through my own expectations, relationships to be stopped. Now, I know there might be some that need to be stopped, I'm not talking about those. I'm talking about the ones that are really designed to last. I saw how I became disappointed, angered, hurt, etc., because I had expectations of others. When I started to think of my interaction with them as one of expectancy, I'm doing a whole lot better. Now, when I see them, I have an expactancy to be happy seeing them, laugh, talk, pray, sing, or whatever with them, rather than them having to be a certain way towards me. This is really helping me, even if it's not helping anyone else.
Some relationships I was just tired of because of the way I perceived others act were redefined and now I am free and that feels good. I realize I had myself bound up in the relationships and had my own expectations on them that no one else was following. They were rules I had set up for them to follow to satisfy me and might not have told the other person about them. What an exhilariting feeling!!! It's so good to be free of that.
How do you look at relationships? Do you have expectations or an expectancy?
On this Memorial Day Weekend, please remember those who have and are fighting for us and have given even their own lives so we can be where we are at this time.
I'm grateful for being set free in my thinking regarding relationships. I am grateful for all our fallen and living soldiers who have given unselfishly of themselves for me. I am grateful for family and friends. I am grateful for this rather quiet, relaxing day. I am grateful for another day of having full use of my limbs and all my senses being in tact. I'm grateful for all the blessings of the day from the Lord. I am so grateful that I have Jesus in my life. I am grateful for quiettime.
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