Well, you know I've told you that I'm reading this book titled, "The Shack". I find it extremely interesting and thought-provoking. The other day, I was reading a passage and it struck me. It had to do with expectancy and expectations. In a dialogue between two of the MAIN characters, it was stated, "Responsibilities and expectations are the basis of guilt and shame and judgment, and they provide the essential framework that promotes performance as the basis for identity and value."
The author went on to write, "The idea behind expectations requires that someone does not know the future or outcome and is trying to control behavior to get the desired result. Humans try to control behavior largely through expectations."
This particular chapter went on to deal with the difference between expectancy and expectations. With expectancy it's different. For instance, in a friendship there would be an expectancy that exists. When two people see each other or are apart, there is an expectancy of being together, laughing, talking, etc. That expectancy, the author says, has no concrete definition. Issues arise when we have expectations we put on others. Suddenly the dynamics of the relationship change. People are now expected to perform in a way that meets the expectations of others.
I have been thinking about this a lot. It has caused me to re-examine my thinking on my interactions with others. I am now leaning heavily towards the expectancy way, rather than expectations because I see what it has done to relationships I might have or had. I see how I allowed, through my own expectations, relationships to be stopped. Now, I know there might be some that need to be stopped, I'm not talking about those. I'm talking about the ones that are really designed to last. I saw how I became disappointed, angered, hurt, etc., because I had expectations of others. When I started to think of my interaction with them as one of expectancy, I'm doing a whole lot better. Now, when I see them, I have an expactancy to be happy seeing them, laugh, talk, pray, sing, or whatever with them, rather than them having to be a certain way towards me. This is really helping me, even if it's not helping anyone else.
Some relationships I was just tired of because of the way I perceived others act were redefined and now I am free and that feels good. I realize I had myself bound up in the relationships and had my own expectations on them that no one else was following. They were rules I had set up for them to follow to satisfy me and might not have told the other person about them. What an exhilariting feeling!!! It's so good to be free of that.
How do you look at relationships? Do you have expectations or an expectancy?
On this Memorial Day Weekend, please remember those who have and are fighting for us and have given even their own lives so we can be where we are at this time.
I'm grateful for being set free in my thinking regarding relationships. I am grateful for all our fallen and living soldiers who have given unselfishly of themselves for me. I am grateful for family and friends. I am grateful for this rather quiet, relaxing day. I am grateful for another day of having full use of my limbs and all my senses being in tact. I'm grateful for all the blessings of the day from the Lord. I am so grateful that I have Jesus in my life. I am grateful for quiettime.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
Here He Comes in the Nick of Time
Today, I was having a pity party that I was able to mask in front of friends. I really felt very sorry for me. There are things going on in my life that are upsetting at this particular point in time.
In reading the book, "The Shack" (you all really must read it so we can talk), the author reminds us (just as the Bible always has) that we have to really believe that God is who God says He is and we really do have to throw out man's way of thinking when it comes to God. Man's representation of God is somewhat distorted. We have made God look like us, rather than the other way around (I digress).
As I am learning to re-train my brain and recognize God for being God, I remembered what the passage in the book said and it brought me around. Then, I went on with my daily chores, accomplishing much, only to discover that He is STILL here with me and STILL looking out after me. In the nick of time, He showed Himself in the midst of what was going on.
He allowed me to even take time out to cry one of those real good hard cries. This cry was for joy and seeing Him and His help manifested in my life. I don't know how or what He does it; He just does because that's just what God does. The relief I felt had to strongly suppress a scream that I wanted to let out. The thought of the Lord taking time to help me messes with my mind. I know He said He would but I'm still blown away by Him.
Life is wonderful, no matter what the day brings. Life is wonderful because of Who He is. This is one relationship that I want to work on to grow deeper and close in. This is the one I know will last.
I'm so grateful for a loving God. I'm so grateful that I am not alone in my struggles. I'm grateful that I need only to call on Him and He will let me know He is with me. I'm grateful for all of today's blessings. I'm grateful for friends who REALLY love me and that I REALLY love closely. I'm grateful for sunshine and air conditioning. I grateful for work.
In reading the book, "The Shack" (you all really must read it so we can talk), the author reminds us (just as the Bible always has) that we have to really believe that God is who God says He is and we really do have to throw out man's way of thinking when it comes to God. Man's representation of God is somewhat distorted. We have made God look like us, rather than the other way around (I digress).
As I am learning to re-train my brain and recognize God for being God, I remembered what the passage in the book said and it brought me around. Then, I went on with my daily chores, accomplishing much, only to discover that He is STILL here with me and STILL looking out after me. In the nick of time, He showed Himself in the midst of what was going on.
He allowed me to even take time out to cry one of those real good hard cries. This cry was for joy and seeing Him and His help manifested in my life. I don't know how or what He does it; He just does because that's just what God does. The relief I felt had to strongly suppress a scream that I wanted to let out. The thought of the Lord taking time to help me messes with my mind. I know He said He would but I'm still blown away by Him.
Life is wonderful, no matter what the day brings. Life is wonderful because of Who He is. This is one relationship that I want to work on to grow deeper and close in. This is the one I know will last.
I'm so grateful for a loving God. I'm so grateful that I am not alone in my struggles. I'm grateful that I need only to call on Him and He will let me know He is with me. I'm grateful for all of today's blessings. I'm grateful for friends who REALLY love me and that I REALLY love closely. I'm grateful for sunshine and air conditioning. I grateful for work.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
My Mom and Giving Thanks
If she had lived, on June 24th my mother would have been 90 years old. She did not make it physically to 90 but she continues to live in my heart and thoughts.
When I was growing up, I thought there were days when Mama was the meanest woman God had ever created. She spanked me when I did something wrong, she made me do my homework until it was correct, she grounded me when my grades were below HER expectations (even though I always had a GOOD explanation for the ones I received), she had in imposed curfew that NEVER bent, she saw to it that I had what I needed but not always what I wanted, she told me I was not going to waste food she worked so hard to get (even though I felt my daddy had contributed to the food budget so that didn't count). Those days were the ones in which I had the "silent scream" going on inside me and I just wanted to change parents (at least moms) for that short while. Like most children, I saw absolutely no good reason for her to do or say what she was doing or saying. Afterall, I was just trying to be a child, not an adult!!
Well, she, like most moms, was correct. All those lectures, instructions on living a correct life, growing up good, etc., paid off. Now, I actually miss hearing her say any of them to me. I MISS MY MOM! Sometimes, I will look up in church or at the store and see a woman going by me who looks very similar to my mom or could almost be a "dead ringer" (pardon the pun) for her. I will watch these ladies walk or smile or their hand gestures and see some of Mama's in them. Even their hair will be salt and pepper like Mama's and worn exactly the way she wore hers. I used to wonder if this was God's way of sending her back down here and letting me see her but I know now that's not true. But, I do see "her" in others.
I also see some of her traits in me. I laugh like I remember hearing her laugh. I sit on my cough the way I used to see her sit on her. I have hand gestures like hers. Sometimes, I even cough like her. I guess she's just in me and I thank God for that.
I was not the greatest mom (just ask my children). There are many things I am sorry for that they did not get from me but I'm grateful for all that the Lord blessed me to give them. I learned through raising my own children that a child really does NOT know the heartache of a mother. The child really does not know the number of days or times a mother cries for her children. A child really does not know the sacrifices of a mother - UNTIL THEY BECOME A PARENT!! Reality has set in for me. Fortunately, it set in before my mother died and my heart was overwhelmed when that reality hit. I got to see all the blood, sweat and tears she had over me. I was soooooooooooooooo grateful and overwhelmed when that reality set in. My one regret is that I never told her, "Thank You" and now it is too late.
Lord, this day I'm so grateful for the mother YOU gave me. I'm grateful for all the life lessons she taught me and walked me through. I'm grateful for all the things she did for me, whether I know about them or not. I'm grateful for the sacrifices she made just for me. I'm grateful for the times she called me and needed me to do something for her. I'm grateful for her wanting to cook me my favorite Thanksgiving meal (the last one she would have) when I visited her in Indiana. She was ill but did not say a thing to me about it. Her desire was to cook all that food for me. She wanted me to take some of it home with me but there was no way I was going to be able to take it on the plane. I pray she really did understand and have hurt feelings behind that. Sometimes I want to just kick myself for not taking some of it but it's now too late.
Don't let this Mother's Day go by without saying, "Thank You" to your mother. If you are a parent, you KNOW she deserves it!! Don't let it be too late for you. Celebrate you mom this Mother's Day!! Happy Mother's Day to all you fabulous moms!
When I was growing up, I thought there were days when Mama was the meanest woman God had ever created. She spanked me when I did something wrong, she made me do my homework until it was correct, she grounded me when my grades were below HER expectations (even though I always had a GOOD explanation for the ones I received), she had in imposed curfew that NEVER bent, she saw to it that I had what I needed but not always what I wanted, she told me I was not going to waste food she worked so hard to get (even though I felt my daddy had contributed to the food budget so that didn't count). Those days were the ones in which I had the "silent scream" going on inside me and I just wanted to change parents (at least moms) for that short while. Like most children, I saw absolutely no good reason for her to do or say what she was doing or saying. Afterall, I was just trying to be a child, not an adult!!
Well, she, like most moms, was correct. All those lectures, instructions on living a correct life, growing up good, etc., paid off. Now, I actually miss hearing her say any of them to me. I MISS MY MOM! Sometimes, I will look up in church or at the store and see a woman going by me who looks very similar to my mom or could almost be a "dead ringer" (pardon the pun) for her. I will watch these ladies walk or smile or their hand gestures and see some of Mama's in them. Even their hair will be salt and pepper like Mama's and worn exactly the way she wore hers. I used to wonder if this was God's way of sending her back down here and letting me see her but I know now that's not true. But, I do see "her" in others.
I also see some of her traits in me. I laugh like I remember hearing her laugh. I sit on my cough the way I used to see her sit on her. I have hand gestures like hers. Sometimes, I even cough like her. I guess she's just in me and I thank God for that.
I was not the greatest mom (just ask my children). There are many things I am sorry for that they did not get from me but I'm grateful for all that the Lord blessed me to give them. I learned through raising my own children that a child really does NOT know the heartache of a mother. The child really does not know the number of days or times a mother cries for her children. A child really does not know the sacrifices of a mother - UNTIL THEY BECOME A PARENT!! Reality has set in for me. Fortunately, it set in before my mother died and my heart was overwhelmed when that reality hit. I got to see all the blood, sweat and tears she had over me. I was soooooooooooooooo grateful and overwhelmed when that reality set in. My one regret is that I never told her, "Thank You" and now it is too late.
Lord, this day I'm so grateful for the mother YOU gave me. I'm grateful for all the life lessons she taught me and walked me through. I'm grateful for all the things she did for me, whether I know about them or not. I'm grateful for the sacrifices she made just for me. I'm grateful for the times she called me and needed me to do something for her. I'm grateful for her wanting to cook me my favorite Thanksgiving meal (the last one she would have) when I visited her in Indiana. She was ill but did not say a thing to me about it. Her desire was to cook all that food for me. She wanted me to take some of it home with me but there was no way I was going to be able to take it on the plane. I pray she really did understand and have hurt feelings behind that. Sometimes I want to just kick myself for not taking some of it but it's now too late.
Don't let this Mother's Day go by without saying, "Thank You" to your mother. If you are a parent, you KNOW she deserves it!! Don't let it be too late for you. Celebrate you mom this Mother's Day!! Happy Mother's Day to all you fabulous moms!
Monday, May 4, 2009
Sometimes You Have to Do It All By Yourself
On Sunday, my pastor preached a sermon entitled, "Sometimes You Have to Do It All By Yourself." The title alone is powerful and thought-provoking.
As he was preaching, I thought about the number of times I have had to go it alone. In the Scripture reading that went with the message (II Samuel 23:8-12) he mentioned the three men noted in the passage and the circumstances each encountered and how they found themself fighting the enemy alone. Yet, at the end of the reading of each of the three men in David's army, the Scripture said the Lord brought about a victory.
When I have had to go it alone in life, I, like you, have taken note of how hard it was, how sometimes I was so tired of being in the fight that I was worn out and had thought of quitting. But, I'm still here and I see that the Lord brought about a victory.
Sometimes our family and friends might run out on us but we're not alone. Sometimes we run out of strength but then we get a "second wind". Isn't life great? Just think of getting that "second wind", that victory. What a blessing. This means that this is another thing to be grateful for.
I'm grateful for battles won, always have the Lord with me, having a great relaxing day, accomplishing most of the things I set out to accomplish, developing plans for accomplishing other things I need to get done, family and friends, all the blessings of the Lord, emails that made me laugh, my quitetime this morning, my senses that are working properly. Thank You, Lord.
As he was preaching, I thought about the number of times I have had to go it alone. In the Scripture reading that went with the message (II Samuel 23:8-12) he mentioned the three men noted in the passage and the circumstances each encountered and how they found themself fighting the enemy alone. Yet, at the end of the reading of each of the three men in David's army, the Scripture said the Lord brought about a victory.
When I have had to go it alone in life, I, like you, have taken note of how hard it was, how sometimes I was so tired of being in the fight that I was worn out and had thought of quitting. But, I'm still here and I see that the Lord brought about a victory.
Sometimes our family and friends might run out on us but we're not alone. Sometimes we run out of strength but then we get a "second wind". Isn't life great? Just think of getting that "second wind", that victory. What a blessing. This means that this is another thing to be grateful for.
I'm grateful for battles won, always have the Lord with me, having a great relaxing day, accomplishing most of the things I set out to accomplish, developing plans for accomplishing other things I need to get done, family and friends, all the blessings of the Lord, emails that made me laugh, my quitetime this morning, my senses that are working properly. Thank You, Lord.
Friday, May 1, 2009
New Day, New Opportunities to Refocus and Be Grateful
I'm so grateful for a new day because this new day brings opportunities to refocus on those things that are positive and can help to change me mentally, spiritually and emotionally. It's so easy to get caught up on what might be going in a direction other than the one I would like. However, I am trying my best to continue to think on those things that are positive, those things for which I'm grateful.
I do believe my thinking can change my outcomes and bring about change. It's not an easy thing to do but I keep at the task so I can reap rewards.
I am not trying to fool myself or anyone else. Yes, these times are tough but they do not have to dictate the way everything will always be in our lives. Yes, prayer, much prayer, coupled with faith, does help. I feel within myself that things are going to get better for us.
This new day offers us the opportunity to be grateful not only for those things we had yesterday and before but to be grateful for what we are enjoying now. Each day gives us new things for which to be grateful. I would challenge you to see what new things you are grateful today that you were not grateful for yesterday. Each day there should be an effort to being grateful for new things (not forgetting those old things). We are offered so much each day. There is no certain number of grateful items on our list, just list them. This is a part of re-focusing our thoughts to look at the new things in life that we are given.
In my being granted a new day and opportunities to refocus, today, I'm grateful for traveling grace, laughter with friends, completed projects, food to eat, understanding loved ones, things that are not stopped because of others, opportunities that are offered for tomorrow to learn from and grow, trials and tribulations, ability to return home after working out of the house, the quietness of my home, opportunities to reorganize my home.
Have you started your list? What did you come up with? I wish you a day full of new opportunities and new things for which to be grateful.
I do believe my thinking can change my outcomes and bring about change. It's not an easy thing to do but I keep at the task so I can reap rewards.
I am not trying to fool myself or anyone else. Yes, these times are tough but they do not have to dictate the way everything will always be in our lives. Yes, prayer, much prayer, coupled with faith, does help. I feel within myself that things are going to get better for us.
This new day offers us the opportunity to be grateful not only for those things we had yesterday and before but to be grateful for what we are enjoying now. Each day gives us new things for which to be grateful. I would challenge you to see what new things you are grateful today that you were not grateful for yesterday. Each day there should be an effort to being grateful for new things (not forgetting those old things). We are offered so much each day. There is no certain number of grateful items on our list, just list them. This is a part of re-focusing our thoughts to look at the new things in life that we are given.
In my being granted a new day and opportunities to refocus, today, I'm grateful for traveling grace, laughter with friends, completed projects, food to eat, understanding loved ones, things that are not stopped because of others, opportunities that are offered for tomorrow to learn from and grow, trials and tribulations, ability to return home after working out of the house, the quietness of my home, opportunities to reorganize my home.
Have you started your list? What did you come up with? I wish you a day full of new opportunities and new things for which to be grateful.
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