Knowing Exactly What To Do

I have been struggling lately to know exactly what I really am supposed to do in this lifetime before I leave this earth. There are many things I have been doing, some of which I was actually called to do, and others that I have been doing. I have been blessed to have a heart for many things. I have been blessed to be in the right place at the right time many times. However, I know that deep within me, that there is something else that I am supposed to either be doing now or do soon.

It is something that is important. This time, I want to get it right. I do not want to go off a feeling. I want to go off pure knowledge. I have taken this time out for blogging to use as some type of journaling time to hope to release those other things that are on my mind to it can be freed up to hear whatever I am supposed to hear. Quietness is beautiful. I do not know what I am to do but I know that it is wonderful, whatever it is. I know that I am excited about doing it and I feel equipped or almost totally equipped to do it. I know that it will bring joy and happiness. That makes me very happy. As I get older, things are really being put into their proper prerpective. As I get older, I see why my grandparents seem to be more relaxed. I know now that they had things in their proper perspectives. That's clarity. That's another thing I desire.

When I discover what it is, I will tell you. I will blog immediately about it (after I give thanks). So, soon I hope to be sharing something GOOD!!!!

Peaceful Days

I know that if you have lived long enough, you have also felt those days when all you want to do is just sit back or lie dow and exhale one of the biggest breaths you have ever taken. Then, it would be quiettime. I am at that point now.

Helping myself to understand how to properly manage those types of days has taken me a while to be able to do but I think I have finally mastered it. I found it got to the point of reprioritizing my life. I found I really do have to put myself first some of the time. Others cannot occupy that spot all the time.

When I sit down and get quiet, my mind is able to just relax. Things become very clear when I do that, even my schedule. I see it clearly and I can then move things in and out or around. When I do that, I feel so good. I have that issue also with my home. Sometimes I feel like I have made it a clutter and just need to take the time to get it in order.

Taking a look at my priorities is a big thing to me at this age. A lot of things that would ordinarily bother or concern others do not even affect me now.It's not important to me to have designer apparell on my anywhere. It's not important that I own leather, silk, or any of the other expensive fabrics, etc. Life is not about that. I have always said that if I become ill and cannot work or feed myself, not one designer is going to come to my rescue. So, why should I spend my money making them very comfortable while I work hard each day and have to watch how my money is spent. Well................that's just my thought. I am not saying anything against anyone enjoys spending their own money on designer anything. Go for it.

It's just that I have come to realize what is really important in life and I'm sticking with that. I really do enjoy looking at the sky. I really do like cloudy days and rain. I really do like seeing the sunrise and sunset. I really do like the colors of falls leaves (very much) and flowers growing. When I become frazzled, I take in these things. They don't cost anything and can be retained in my memory for many, many years. I'm glad to have straightened out those priorities. What about you?

Take Care of Yourself

It is so good to be back on the blog. It's been a few days. I want to tell you about my experience over the past weekend.

I attended a conference in Atlanta, Georgia, where the conference centered around cardiovascular disease. At the conference, it was driven home again and again that we need to take care of ourselves. Although the conference was aimed at African Americans, the information can and is applied to everyone.

It is so important to take care of yourself. Everyday you are able to wake up, get up and do things on your own is definitely a blessing. There is a renered drive to get people to pay attention to food labels and learn how to properly read them and apply them to our eating habits. Also, exercising is being stressed more and more. I believe that in these trying times, we all need to do something to help ourselves out. We need to do something to relieve stress and we have to be careful that we do not find ourselves eating into happiness.

Why not make a decision to do just one thing this week that is different and helps your health. Eat some baked chicken, rather than fried. You know the routine so I don't have to put it down here (smile).

I wish each of you good eating and good health.

Unselfish Joy

Usually when we are happy about accomplishments it is regarding ourselves. Sometimes we have joy in the accomplishments of others but we REALLY enjoy something that pertains to self. Well, this week, two people in my life have made me so proud and happy and full of joy for them.

My friend was accepted to Seminary. This is a much prayed for achievement. Many prayers went up for this and any and all barriers, concerns, doubts, indecisions, etc., were removed. He was accepted and actually was accepted into more than was somewhat anticipated. There was one part of this Seminary that it was not clear or was unsure but he was fully accepted. Abundant blessings, Michael, are placed on you. WHAT A DAY OF REJOICING!!!!

Then, today I received an email from my neice who is a scientist. Her second article (dealing with brain tissue, etc.) was published. What a magnificent accomplishment. Way to go, Kim!!! I'm so proud of her for all her hard work and accomplishments. I guess playing with mice can eventually lead to a publication that informs the world of something newly discovered. I'm so proud!!!

Whether it's my friend or my neice, I have such un-SELF-ish joy today. I'm so happy for them and proud of them.

Continued blessing to both of you. You're both FANTASTIC people!!

Hold On Tightly

I'm sure hoping you had a blessed week. I certainly did.

Do you realize that we are still here to fulfill our mission in this life? Wow!!! What an awesome activity in life - a mission that has been given us to fulfill. Some people are still trying to figure out what that mission might be, while others are basking in the glow of fulfillment.

I truly believe that we are here until our mission is complete. I do not believe we leave this earth one minute before we are supposed to go. Some missions are short, others take a while. Not knowing when the mission is complete is reason enough for me to hold on tightly.

I have a friend who has breast cancer. Those are such ugly words to us. I saw her Friday and was about to tell her how wonderful she is looking (she really is) and she told me that her doctor informed her of another cancerous area in her lymph nodes. I just wanted to fall down! But, I looked at her face and although she said she felt good but just wanted to feel sappy (or something to that effect) I realized that she was holding on tightly to life. She is such an encouragement to me. I admire her strength as a woman and an administrator. She has knowledge that surpasses the best of them, yet she is very humble about who she is, where she comes from and what she has accomplished. How in the world could this have happened to her? She walks around all the time with a smile on her face, trying to make everyone else feel good. She does not complain.

I see her hold on tightly to her children and the joy they bring her. I see her holding on tightly to the work assigned to her and doing it when she might not feel like doing it. I see her setting up conferences for others at a time when she might just want to take a minute out for herself. I see her holding on tightly because it is somehow bringing her joy.

She makes me want to hold on tightly to all that is precious in this life. She makes me want to hold on tightly when it gets rough during the day and night. She makes me want to hold on tightly when it seems that I am all alone, that no one cares whether I feel good or bad. She makes me want to hold on tightly when the sun shines and when it does not. She makes me want to hold on tightly when I fell like I just cannot get up out of the bed.

Thank you, Sue, for blessing me to see where I need to grown and hold on tightly. Thank you, Sue, for being in my life and fulfilling one of your missions that deals with me. Thank you, Sue, for just being yourself and appreciating everyday and every opportunity. Thank you for not keeping yourself a secret. Thank you for leading by example and showing me how to hold on tightly.

As the song says, "You're simply the best. Better than all the rest". I love you, my friend.

Did You Celebrate?

Well, how did you do? Did you celebrate? Did you wake up in a celebratory mode the following day? I did and it was great. All day long, I celebrated the good things. If a negative thought tried to enter my head, I would not allow it. It was sooooooooooooooo good!

I attended training to be a hospice volunteer three days last week (24 hours). It was fantastic. This training taught me so much more than I ever knew or thought I knew. Hospice was never an area in which I wanted to work. I always said it took a certain group of special people to be able to work anywhere in the hospice arena. If anyone would have told me that I would want to be a hospice volunteer, I would have said they were crazy. Now, I'm sorry I waited so long.

During this training, towards the end of the last day, our guest presenter who works with the bereavement portion of hospice, had each of us do an exercise. She gave us a small envelop which contained twenty strips of paper, four different colors and each color group had five strips of paper to it. She had us indicate on one color, the five most important material things we have or own. Next, we had to, on a different color, list the five most enjoyable things we do. Then, in another group, we listed the five most important people in our lives, followed by the five things we know for sure in life. Then, we had to take three cleansing breaths. The lights were turned down low and she put on a very slow, relaxing CD and played it while she talked with us. We had to close our eyes as she talked and we allowed to open them only when she told us to.

She took us on a journey of life's end for us. In her statements, she told us that we had discovered a lump on our leg, went to the doctor, had it biopsied and were called back to the doctor's office to talik with the doctor. Of course, this was all done in a much slower, methodical fashion than I am describing here. At intervals, she, our presenter, would tell us when we had to open our eyes and make our selection to remove strips we had written on and how many. She never told us the pile from which we had to make an selections; that was strictly up to us, but we had to make selections. During this journey, we were not given a long period of time to think about what we would throw away; we just had to get it done because she was continuing, just like life. Sometimes we would throw out one, two or three pieces of paper. This was beginning to be harder each time. This exercise was to teach us what it is like for someone who has been placed into hospice and their life is getting closer to ending. There were times when I had discussions with myself and was somewhat confused on what to discard because, afterall, she had told us to write down what was important to us and now she was making me discard some of them. The feelings were overwhelming. Some people in the class cried, some did not. But all of us felt the frustration and some of us remembered loved ones who had died and now felt what they must have been feeling.

This exercise taught me to continue celebrating each and every moment I have in life. I am going to reprioritize things in my life. I going to be learning how to let go of some things (and maybe some people) that I should not be holding onto.

I think everyone ought to be able to go through this exercise in a private setting. To do it online on this blog would take away so much of what is needed. However, I believe we can all do some re-thinking about our lives because the day might come when this will not be an exercise from a class but real life.

At the end of this exercise, we all would up with five strips of paper left. I was amazed when I looked down and all those sheets were gone because I had to get rid of some things quickly. I had a lump in my whole body as I looked at them. Then, I moved my eyes to the right and saw the five strips I had left. My strips left were my faith in God and four people who are the most important to me: my sister, my best friend and my two granddaughters. I promise to continue to celebrate having them in my life everyday. I am so grateful that I know a loving God Who takes care of me and loves me unconditionally. I will celebrate my faith in Him daily.

What would you put on your twenty strips of paper? What would you discard, if you had to get rid of one, two or three strips quickly? What or who would you keep? Remember to celebrate that which is precious to you because you never know when it will either not be around or have to be discarded. CELEBRATE!!

Celebrating All That is Good

To say that when I look around, I'm blessed is like a cliche' that is sometimes overstated. However, in these trying times, I can truly say that when I look around, I'm blessed. I have decided, today, to celebate all those blessings, rather than ask for anything or complain. What a blessing it is to have been able to see just one more day in my life. What a blessing it is to have been able to bathe myself, comb my hair, walk, talk, think, feed myself and see all day long. Though these may seem like such trivial things to celebrate, I am often reminded of the alternatives.

After years of working in hospitals in the ICUs and see how life can change in an instant, I have known the value of celebrating the appreciation of all that is good! Life still has things we would like to be better or changed but the fact remains that if we are awake now, we need to celebrate that good thing! We certainly did not have to be allowed to see one more day. I know I certainly did not have to be allowed to be able to bathe myself.

Celebrating means that happiness is invovled. Celebrating means that smiles are part of the way appreciation is displayed. Celebrating can be done individually or with others. Today, I choose to be somewhat selfish and celebate alone (you can actually join in with your own celebation). I am so excited to be alive. I'm so excited to be able to have witnessed another day in my life. I am amazed that I have been allowed, by the Lord, to live this long. He did not have to give me these year, but He did and I celebate that. What a powerful, precious gift. How good it is. Celebrate life; celebrate its goodness. Don't dwell on what is missing, out of order, misplaced, broken or gone. Just celebrate what is good for you today. Just celebrate that your good outweighs everything else. Celebrate that you are able, in your mind, recount what is good and celebrate it. What more could you ask for? What more could I ask for? There is absolutely nothing else that could be done that would top the fact that I made it through this day, am still here and still celebrating.

Fill your mind with this positive way of thinking for the rest of your day. Celebrate good things. Only focus on the blessings you are enjoying right now. When you lay down to sleep, before dozing off, remember ALL the good and CELEBRATE IT!

And, most of all, if you are blessed to wake up tomorrow, CELEBRATE ANOTHER GOOD THING!

I pray celebration for you. I pray your thoughts will focus on the God Who is granting these things for you to celebrate. I pray for the most peaceful sleep you have every enjoyed tonight. I pray for another day for you. I pray that your first thought when you wake up tomorrow will be that you have another reason to celebrate. One more good thing has been granted to you - LIFE!!!!

Can You Fix It?

A friend who lives in Chicago and I were just talking on the telephone. We talk with each other about every two weeks. Usually I call him to check and see how he is feeling and then other times, he will call me if he knows he is in trouble for not calling me back to let me know how he is doing.

During our conversation, we were both saying how our respective health is doing. His eye has been giving him problems, my weight, due to medicine I take, has been bothering me. We both concluded that these are things we will have to accept. He told me his eye will not improve but his vision has not been impacted. In fact, he believes his vision is better. I told him my doctor told me that since I'm taking the medicine I'm taking, my weight will be up and down. I told him that I have come to accept that fact since I cannot change it. He told me he accepts what is going on with his eye because he cannot change that either.

There are some things in life, as you know, that we just cannot fix. We can try to make changes that we hope will affect the outcome but sometimes, that will not even help.

As I get older, I am noticing some changes. Often, change is good. I accept what does change and is good as well as I accept what I cannot change. I have decided that it is more important to enjoy my life. I have made some promises to myself to help me through my days.

I promise to love myself unconditionally.
I promise to take better care of my health.
I promise to always allow quiettime for me each day.
I promise that I will say positive things to myself, even if no one else does.
I promise that I will be true to myself.
I promise that I will not allow anyone to define who I am or what they want me to be.
I promise to be happy within me.
I promise that I will always show up as me and will sometimes show up as the new and improved me.
I promise to work hard and not slack off work.
I promise to always reach for what I dream of doing.
I promise to work towards my goals
I promise to see myself achieving my goals
I promise to always be sure I let others know that I care about them.
I promise to not worry about what I do not have but be excited about what I do have.
I promise to grow daily mentally, emotionally, relationally.
I promise not to worry about the financial happenings of the world but to accept that some things are what they are.
I promise to learn something new everyday.
I promise to be excited about life!

What have you promised yourself? What are you doing to make this life better for you? What are you doing about your happiness? Do you really have to work that hard? Are you chasing the money or are you enjoying life? Things will happen in this life but if you take a moment and have some tea in the afternoon and think only of yourself, you will find that inner peace that dwells within seeking to be able to come out and help you as you go through your days. Let's all try to make more promises to ourselves and take care of self. After all, you only have ONE SELF! God bless you today.

Enjoy Yourself, Respect Others

This past week, I spent many hours watching a basketball camp that was put on by the Harlem Globetrotters. This camp had over 300 children in it, some in the morning sessions and some in the afternoon session.

My original intent was just to sit in for a couple minutes and then leave but while I was there, what I saw and heard held my attention for the entire week. I was there almost as much as the children attending and I did not mind one bit.

This camp was not intended to be a wild, loosely run camp. It was designed to be a camp that helped all the children who attended to be better people by the end of the camp and equipped with what they needed to continue being successful (or start being successful) in life. It was designed to teach them how to get along with other and to, of course, learn new or better skills about the game of basketball. The playing of basketball was secondary; learning how to enjoy yourself and respect others was first.

Everyday while in their initial circle, the first thing they had to say were the two rules of the camp, "Enjoy yourself and respect others." They spent time talking about them and repeating it everyday so the vision of the camp would be clearly understood and practiced. All week long, I saw this. Of course, there were times when some of the kids did not do what they were told but there were consequence either just for them or the entire camp. The consequence to be "suffered" would be ten to twenty pushups or laps back and forth in the gym. This would soon drive that particular point home and they would rejoin their teammates and continue playing as though nothing had happened.

I watched them as they enjoyed themselves. Each child worked very hard to do what they were told. The one thing that stuck out in my mind was how they persevered but smiled at the end of any particular physicial activity or learning session. They were truly enjoying themselves, even though some parts caused them to struggle. They were sore but came back on the next day and the next day and the next day and completed the entire week in the camp. They had to be patient and wait for others in front of them to do what was required and they had to forget any of their problems and encourage their teammate.

"How do I go through life?", I asked myself. Am I enjoying myself? Am I encouraging others in spite of what might be happening in my life? Am I showing others the respect that is due to them? Watching the children (ages 6 through 16) gave me reason to pause in this day of job layoffs, staff reassignments, high gas prices, higher food prices, more bills than money to pay them. It was hard for some of the youth to do some things required. It was difficult to put one leg over the other, bend over and count and then reverse that. However, they kept trying, they kept doing it and by the end of the week found they could bend more and reach farther than at the beginning. In their continuing to try to go through this portion of life, they found if they just kept trying and enjoyed themselves, while respecting and helping each other, they came out a winner because they were able to focus on something and someone other than themselves.

Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I respect others? Most of the time. Is that good enough? No. This needs to be what happens everyday in my life. Is it possible to do? Yes. It is very possible to enjoy yourself daily. All you have to do is realize that if you are reading this blog or breathing or walking or eating, driving, shopping, talking, you are enjoying yourself. Whenever you speak to someone you encounter, you are respecting others. When you help someone else or sacrifice for others, you are respecting them.

Another question I asked myself was, "Did I take this week to help mask other things that are going on in my life? Did I use this time to ignore things that needed to be addressed? The answer is "YES". Some days, I, like you, have to deal with things that make me want to holler. Many days I have the "silent scream" going on inside me. There are times that I just wish I could fade away from problems and situations. So to crowd out those things that are unpleasant, I occupy myself with other things temporarily. This includes things like watching the basketball camp for one week when I know I need to be working hard on other things. Now that I know that is not possible, I have decided to try to live each day like it is my last day and ENJOY MYSELF AND RESPECT OTHERS!

The children reminded me of a valuable lesson my parent instilled in me. When it is going to stretch me more than I want to be stretched, when I have to keep going because others are encouraging and counting on me, when I ache so much from the pain but I can not complain, I have to keep going and I have to enjoy myself. I have to tell myself to enjoy it because that is is a motivator. Having fun is a great motivator to help people persevere. Showing others that I care about them and have respect for them as people is a great motivator for them. There is a double blessing in enjoying yourself and respecting others.

I want to thank the Globetrotter coaches, Coach Buckets, Coach Wildkat, and Coach Moo Moo (because he likes to drink milk). I want to thank them for not only what they did for the attendees of the camp but all of the adults who sat on the side and watch were able to be blessed with the "circle talks". I want to thank the coaches for being so respectful of the children and caring so much to spend and entire week doing two sessions a day. Thank you, Coaches, for reminding me that I need to enjoy myself and respect others.

In God's Presence

On Sunday, my pastor asked us to sing the song, "Hush, Hush, Somebody's Calling My Name." We sang it just above a whisper. He then asked the entire congregation to just be quite and get in the presence of God. He said that some of us had just been busy and needed to settle down for a little while.

I closed my eyes. Immediately, I was crying. I could see myself entering a room and the Lord was beckoning me to come and sit on His lap. When I got on His lap, I cried and began to rock myself. He put His arms around me and was just gently patting me and saying, "Shhhhhhhhh." I just kept rocking myself in His arms and He was trying to get me to settle down. I was explaining to the Lord thatI was really tired because I had been doing so much. I told him that I had been going here and there and that there was so much left for me to do..... He continued telling me, "Shhhhhhhhhhhh." It seemed the more I talked, the more I cried and the harder I rocked.

Then, I heard my pastor say that we should just be still, be still. The next thing I knew, my body was perfectly still. I was in the Lord's arms where I felt safe and secure. The Lord told me that He knew all about what was on my mind. He told me everything is going to be alright. I instantly believed it. No doubts.

For a brief moment, I was allowed to hear what was going on in our Sanctuary. I heard a baby cry and it just seemed like everyone in there was praying that the Lord would touch the baby and suddenly the baby stopped crying. There was a silence in the Sanctuary. This stillness was a great time for me. I felt I could just release and relax. The Lord told me again that He knows all about everything on my heart and mind. That was all I needed at that moment. I cried. The silence of the release was overwhelming for and to me. I have not been inwardly touched like that before.

Does this mean that I have totally arrived? By no means but it does mean that another step in the right direction has been taken. Oh, to be in the arms of the Lord and to feel Him "Father" me.

Blessings on you.

Relaxation

Relaxation. Is that a word that is sometimes foreign to you? Are you the type that is on the go constantly? I am and I need to learn how to relax.

I fill my life with a lot of activities on a daily basis. I find myself asking why. I have had to really think about this. I came to several realizations that I'm sure you already know.

Being really busy with other things means that I will neglect myself.

Being really busy with other things means that I will neglect my home and things that need to be done in it.

Being really busy means that many things are left unsettled that need to be taken care of. Often things get lost in the "shuffle" or "list".

Being really busy means that I teach myself how to care less about me and more about others. This is not a good thing.

Being really busy means that I neglect my time with the Lord. THIS IS DEFINITELY A BAD THING!!

Being really busy means that I realize how difficult it is to change my habits. I say habits because there is absolutely nothing that makes me have the schedules I have established except habit.

I am going to change. I am going to start thinking more of myself. I am going to start taking better care of home, rather than other people's places. I am going to work on my business. It's my bread and butter (literally) so I need to devote a whole lot more time to it.

I'm going to take time for those friendships that mean so much to me. I am going to continue being there for them and hope they are there for me when I need them. If I get myself together, everything else will fall into place. It begins with me taking the first step to renew, re-establish the right relationship with the Lord and grow daily. This is a constant, daily activity that I crowded out of my life on a lot of days but am putting back in and keeping it there.

Do you relax and renew your body and life? If so, let me know how you do it. I'm always willing to learn.

Have a day that is centered around God. Be blessed.

Friends

Friends are important to me. I don't have a lot of them because by it's very definition, most people I know do not fit into that definition. Therefore, I have a lot of associates and acquaintenances. But friends, they're special.

Friends warm my heart. They bring a smile to my face everytime I'm with them. They inspire me. They educate me and they even help me get over those rough spots.

I don't like to spill myself onto them by discussing all my issues but I know that if I ever ask them to just listen to me, they will do it.

Sometimes my heart is so burdened down that I am screaming on the inside. If I hear the voice of my friend, it will calm that scream down. In fact, it often silences it because my friends will say something that I need to hear, something that God is trying to tell me through them. I appreciate them. They are closer to me than most of my family. I thank God for them, and my family, everyday. My prayer is that they really do know how much I love and appreciate them. I am sure that the Lord has let them know.

So, to any of my friends who are reading this, thank you soooooooooo much. You mean the world to me. I love and appreciate you and I hope you know that. I hope that in this lifetime I have somehow blessed you like you have blessed me. I hope that in the lifetime you have felt the appreciate of your friendship. I feel so very special to have a friend like you.